Ofte stilte spørsmål. Har et spørsmål for oss Svaret ditt kan bli funnet i våre Vanlige spørsmål. Hva handler det om? Vi handler alt om å hjelpe forexhandlere til å hjelpe seg. Vi har School of Pipsology et globalt fellesskap av forexhandlere på våre fora. Handy forex-verktøy som den økonomiske kalenderen og vår forexpedia og til slutt trading blogger som er kontinuerlig oppdatert med markedsanalyse Alt som gratis Kan jeg starte en blogg på bloggen seksjonen er ikke åpen for endringer av publikum Vi har vårt eget team av kickassforfattere dedikert til å oppdatere Blogg-seksjonen Hvis et sted åpnes, vil vi definitivt gi deg beskjed. Du vet aldri, kan Huck en dag finne mannen av drømmene sine og bestemme seg for å fokusere på det. Eller kanskje Robopip må gå tilbake til hvilken planet han er igjen fra Tilbyr du på andre språk Nei Nei Nei Ikke ennå Anyways Men vi jobber for tiden med å oversette Pipsology School på flere språk, inkludert spansk, portugisisk og kanskje kinesisk Flere språk å følge, s o trenger ikke å bekymre deg Andre områder blir oversatt kort tid etter det Dette tar mye tid og arbeid, så vær så tålmodig og hold deg oppdatert. Tilbyr du mobil e-postoppdateringer for nye blogginnlegg. Ingen direkte mobiloppdateringer, det vil si tekstmeldinger, men du kan alltid abonnere via Twitter, RSS-feeder og e-postabonnement Det er enkelt å sette opp for meldingene som skal skyves til mobilen din. Jeg vil lære omex Hvordan Hvis du er ivrig etter å begynne å lære om forex trading, foreslår vi at du gjør veien over til School of Pipsology vår egen guide for undervisning av nybegynnere Hvordan handle valutamarkedet Vi starter deg i førskolen og lærer deg grunnleggende om Forex, og derfra lærer du mer komplekse emner helt til Graduation Dette er alt selvstudium, utført på egen hånd, komplementet til læringen ved Pipsology School, gir vi også jevnlig oppdaterte blogger et fellesskapss forum hvor du kan utveksle spørsmål og svar med andre registrerte medlemmer, vår Forex pedia av forextermer og definisjoner og flere verktøy som kalkulatorer og en kalender Hvordan registrerer jeg med Hva får jeg Registrering og det er det Hva får du Du får hele awesomeness av teamet og fellesskapet Det er helt GRATIS og det er ingenting å kjøpe, men tonn å få. Skole av pipsologi Spørsmål. Hvor kan jeg få PDF-filen Er det en For den nåværende og super flotte versjonen av Pipsology School, har vi bare en online tilstedeværelse og ingenting i utskrivbart eller elektronisk format Før du tenker på å skape en for deg selv eller til og med for distribusjon skjønt, her s hvorfor vi fraråder at The School of Pipsology er noe vi jobbet veldig hardt med på utallige timer med forskning og skriving ble brukt for å få alt dette sammen og den beste måten for dere til å støtte det, er å gå til vår nettside og lese den derfra. Tross alt er det gratis. Vil ha dem PDF-filer. Du vil kanskje sjekke ut våre nåværende PDF-filer tilgjengelig online. Har du en utskriftsversjon av skolen Nei. Vi wan t for å redde jorden Går grønn du har hørt at du har en PDF for salg Er dette sant jeg kan ikke finne hvor du skal kjøpe det Det pleide å være sant Vi tilbyr ikke PDF til salgs lenger, og vi har ikke solgt det for over to år nå Men du kan alltid komme til nettversjonen av skolen. Det er GRATIS. Kan jeg få en kopi av Pipsology School PDF? Nei, det kan du ikke. Vi har ikke en. Hva skjedde med spørrekonkurransen i skolen. du bringer dem tilbake Definitivt Vi fjernet dem da vi oppgraderte skolen i 2010 Fordi innholdet endret, endret spørsmålet spørsmålene. Vi har jobbet med å oppdatere spørsmålene for å gjenspeile alt nytt innhold og sørge for at vi har alt på plass Hvorfor Skolen husker ikke fremgangen min Uh, dette høres ut som et problem med nettleserskap. Huskfunksjonen til den nye skolen er faktisk ikke knyttet til brukerkontoen din, men til din datamaskin, eller mer spesifikt, nettleseren din. Du må ha informasjonskapsler aktivert for denne funksjonen til nettleseren din kan Slett informasjonskapsler når de er lukket. For å sikre at informasjonskapsler er aktivert, og at de ikke slettes når nettleseren er lukket. Hvis sikkerhet er et problem, og du vil slette informasjonskapsler, gir hver nettleser en måte å lagre bestemte informasjonskapsler på. mens du blir kvitt resten Prosedyren for å gjøre dette er nettleserespesifikk, men et raskt Internett-søk burde få deg fast Hvis det ikke virker holler på oss via jeg nettopp ferdig med skolen av pipsologi nå hva du kanskje vil starte med Cowabunga System Det ble utviklet av vår egen Pip Surfer som et eksempel på hvordan du oppretter ditt eget system. Han er til og med dedikert en ukentlig blogg for det. Bloggen har vært tilgjengelig i noen tid nå, men hvis du er veldig merkelig, har du ikke t hørt om det ennå, vil kanskje lese vanlige spørsmål om å se på forumene våre, som også har dekket Cowabunga-systemet siden 2007. Vi håper dette hjelper til med formuleringen av ditt eget system Lykke til. Reklame-relaterte spørsmål. Hvorfor kan jeg ikke cess La oss få deg fast da vi trenger deg til å gi oss flere detaljer om hva du opplever som feilmeldinger du har mottatt, din IP-adresse, hva du gjorde før du ikke kunne få tilgang til en bestemt side osv. Med alle denne informasjonen kan vi hjelpe deg bedre og raskere Send dem til Hvorfor kan jeg aktivere kontoen min Prøv å klikke på bekreftelseslenken vi sendte deg etter at du var pålogget Kontroller spam-mappen din hvis den gikk der Hvis det ikke virker, kan alltid be om en annen bekreftelseslink via og vi sender deg en ASAP Hva er galt med brukernavnet mitt Hvorfor kan jeg ikke bruke dette brukernavnet? Ingenting er galt med brukernavnet ditt, noen slo deg bare til det. La oss tenke på noe annet. Hvis du kan Tenk på noe, kanskje du kan snakke med oss på Twitter, og vi kan komme med et gal navn for deg. Kan jeg bytte brukernavn, men selvfølgelig bare slipp oss en melding via med ditt foretrukne brukernavn, og vi gjør det for deg. Husk å sende oss en e-post med din registrerte e-postadresse t hough Hvordan endrer eller tilbakestiller jeg passordet mitt For å endre passordet, logg deg bare inn og gå til brukerens kontrollpanel For å tilbakestille passordet eller brukernavnet ditt, klikk bare på denne linken, og vi vil få det sendt til din registrerte e-postadresse. Hvordan legger jeg inn et spørsmål i forumene dine Her er de enkle trinnene for å legge inn et spørsmål på forumet. Logg inn på kontoen din. Gå til forumene. Velg et underforum hvor du vil legge inn spørsmålet ditt, for eksempel Newbie Island. Hvis du spør en nytt spørsmål, klikk på POST NEW THREAD-knappen under Annonse-delen Skriv inn tittelen og spørsmålet ditt, og klikk deretter på SUBMIT NEW THREAD-knappen. Hvis du svarer på en eksisterende tråd, finn tråden du vil svare på eller delta i. Innenfor tråden, klikk på REPLY-knappen nederst til høyre i første innlegget. Du kan også bruke QUICK REPLY-delen som er funnet under det siste innlegget, for raskt å legge til dine kommentarer uten de avanserte innleggsinnstillingene. Hvordan ser jeg den eldste legg inn først i t han forumer med magi Bare følg disse trinnene. Klikk på forumet kategorien hvis det ikke allerede er der. Klikk på brukerprofil øverst på siden Forum BrukerCP Chat Room Hva er New. Select General Settings. Move ned til avsnittet Trådmodus og velg Linjært eldste først fra rullegardinmenyen. Klikk på Lagre endringer nederst på siden. Voila Du kan nå nyte å vise forumtråder med det eldste innlegget på toppen. Hvorfor er epostadressen min e-post banned Det er høyst mulig at e-post-IP-adressen din adressen blir blokkert av oss for enten spamformål eller for overdreven kopiering nedlasting av innholdet. Overdreven nedlasting fører til ytelsesproblemer for hele fellesskapet, og vi ber om at du slutter å gjøre dette høres ut som ditt problem, vennligst send oss en epost via Kan jeg avbryte slett kontoen min Hvordan gjør jeg det Du forlater oss Men hvorfor Hvis du kan sende oss en epost til å bruke din registrerte e-postadresse og be om at kontoen din skal bli kansellert og hvorfor, vil vi motstrekkelig sende deg en bekreftelses-epost Husk dette skjønt, vi vil alltid være her for deg, venter på Registrer igjen når riktig tidspunkt kommer. Hvorfor kan jeg legge ut se filer i forumet En grunn til at du ikke kan legge inn eller vise filer, er fordi du ikke er logget inn Did Did du sørger for at du er Hva du ikke har en konto Vel, så er det på tide å registrere. Forretningsmuligheter. Kan jeg annonsere med deg? Ja, du kan. Hvis du er en direkte megler, kun bannerannonsering. Men vi er åpne for andre meglerforhold og tilbud også Kan jeg koble til nettstedet ditt Du kan definitivt lenke til vår nettside Vi blir æret Kan jeg oversette Pipsology School for deg Vi forstår at engelsk ikke er det viktigste språket i det meste av verden, og at en oversettelse av innholdet vårt til et nytt språk ville åpne opp utdanning for flere mennesker. Men vi tillater ikke kopiering og eller omfordeling av innholdet vårt. Dette vil lignes på å lisensiere innholdet vårt, som vi ikke gjør for innholdet vårt, men det er definitivt Tillat Vi håper å rulle ut nye språk fra School of Pipsology i det kommende året Kan jeg annonsere min ikke-forex-produkt med deg Annonser er kun åpne for forex meglere i øyeblikket Kan jeg kopiere dine ting Dessverre tillater vi ikke kopiering og / eller omfordeling av vårt innhold Dette vil lignes på lisensiering av innholdet vårt, som vi ikke tilbyr. Du kan alltid lenke om. Kan jeg bli lagt til din megleroppføring Send oss en e-post med hensyn til dette, og vi kommer tilbake til deg. Kan du gå gjennom min produkttjeneste på Vi skriver ikke produktservice vurderinger fra et tilbudsperspektiv på oss, du kan være interessert i vår søsterside, Der kan du sende inn din bedrift og produktinformasjon for gjennomgang av vårt fellesskap av forexhandlere. Det vil selvsagt kreve at noen har faktisk brukte programvaren din så det er ikke en total løsning Men det er en avenue for å få ditt produktnavn der ute Og det er helt gratis Vil du bytte ut koblinger Vi må respektere si nei takk Vi har ikke delta i lenkeutvekslinger Representerer du megler Nei, det gjør vi ikke Vi er rent en online utdanningsmessig Forex Trading Questions. Can jeg stoler på selskapene som du annonserer på nettstedet ditt. Det er et svært viktig spørsmål som vi ikke kan svare med et enkelt ja eller nei Vi har mange annonsører som vi har jobbet med i flere år Disse annonsørene vises på vårt nettsted ved hjelp av annonser og firmalogoer, som du vil se i sponsorseksjonene av våre Skole - og Blog-sponsorer som du ser på vår nettside har har jobbet med oss nesten siden begynnelsen av 2006. Disse sponsorene har utvist ærlighet og integritet i å gjøre forretninger med vårt firma. Som sagt, for å være så upartisk som mulig for vårt fellesskap av medlemmer og gjester, støtter vi ikke spesielt megler eller annonsør, eller deres produkter eller tjenester. Det er her samfunnets kraft, og spesielt vår Broker Guide og Forums, kommer inn på bildet The For ums vil gi deg førstehånds kunnskap fra handelsfolk som har direkte erfaring med de ulike annonsørene og deres produkter eller tjenester Broker Guide gir deg informasjon sendt direkte til meglerne om deres tilbud. Kombiner disse to områdene av kunnskap, og vi er sikre på at du blir i stand til å ta den beste beslutningen for deg Hvis du trenger mer enn bare noen andres ord for å føle deg trygge, ta deg over til US Commodity Futures Trading Commission-nettsiden eller National Futures Association-nettstedet. De er tilsynsorganene i forex og futures næringer i USA De kan kaste lys over noen av meglerne som interesserer deg. Men du må også holde øye med hvilke annonser du ser på. Vi jobber med Google Advertising for å gi annonser som de tilfeldig plasserer i utpekte områder av vårt nettsted Ved utforming av systemet, relaterer annonsene seg til Forex, men vi har ikke full kontroll over hvilke annonser Googl e steder på vår side Hvor lang tid tar det å bli en vellykket handelsmann? Handel er en ytelse ferdighet som sport, kunst, medisin, osv. Utdannelsen og kunnskapen er der ute, men har du disiplin å lære og utvikle en metode som Fungerer for deg Har du det som trengs for å gå opp på platen, ta risiko og gjøre det som er nødvendig for å gjennomgå og forbedre din handel. Også, kan du kontrollere dine følelser når, ikke IF, du mister penger Når du har et spill plan som virker for deg, vil du fortsatt kunne holde fast på det dag inn og dag ut Det er ikke noe svar på spørsmålet ditt som har en generell søknad Det tar tid opp til den tiden og innsatsen du legger inn for å lære og praksis og din situasjon i livet. Men hvis du fortsatt ser etter et mer definitivt svar, her er et par sitater for å gi deg en bedre ide om tiden det tar å være en vellykket handelsmann Mike Bellafiore medstifter av prop trading fast SMB Capital sier, det er vanlig for erfaren handelsmann s å erkjenne at de ikke visste hva de gjorde før etter tre til fem år. Og fra boken Enhancing Trader Performance, anerkjenner Brett Steenbarger at det tar omtrent 10 år med bevisst praksis å mestre kunsten å handle, samt eventuelle annen ferdighet Hvordan beregner jeg svingpunkter Du kan beregne svingpunkter ved hjelp av en tidsramme Alt du trenger er åpningspris, nær pris, høy pris og lav forekomst, i tidsrammen du ser om det er 1 dag, 1 uke , eller 1 måned, ta bare åpningsprisen, den høye prisen den lave og sluttprisen, og hold disse tallene i vår praktiske dandy pivot point kalkulator funnet her. Det vil beregne svingpunkter for de neste 12 timene du er ser på Ok Hvis du ønsker å lære mer om dreiepunkter og hvordan du kan beregne dem, kan du gå til vår pivot point leksjon funnet her Hvor mye skal jeg risikere per handel Hvis du er nybegynner, bør din kontrisiko være så liten som mulig Årsaken til at vi s ai dette er fordi du ikke har nok statistikk på ditt system eller handelsmetode for å optimalisere kontorisikoen din per handel. Du vet ikke hvor ofte du mister, hvor stor din drawdowns er, dine lengste tapende streker, du har samlet nok informasjon om din handel vi foreslår et år s verdt å handle, så kan du begynne å justere konto risikoen per handel til ditt risikokostnivå. Generelt foreslår vi ikke at noen risikerer å miste mer enn 1 av kontoen per handel igjen dette er alt basert på ditt risikokomfortnivå. Les videre på vår risikostyringsskole leksjon for mer informasjon. Hvor lenge skal du bruke på handel per dag? Vi er ikke sikre på hvordan andre handelsmenn handler, så vi kan ikke snakke generelt. For vår stil, skjønnsmessig handel, Vi legger vanligvis inn en time eller to av forskning og planlegging før vi begynner å handle for dagen. Etter at vi er ferdige for dagen, vil vi sette en time eller to innspilling av hendelsene og prishandlingen, og deretter gjennomgå og finne ut måter t o forbedre våre beslutningsprosesser og risikokurs, hvis du handler lengre tidsrammer, vil denne prosessen ikke bli så tidskrevende igjen. Slik gjør vi det, og vi foreslår alltid å finne egne metoder og måter å handle på. Tilbyr du handelsdemo kontoer Vi er ikke meglere og tilbyr ikke noen form for meglerhandel eller demo trading kontoer. Hvis du er interessert i å åpne en demo-konto, gjør du over til vår Broker Guide for mer informasjon. Vi hjelper deg med å velge megleren som passer for deg. Bortsett fra det, har forumene også en Forex Brokers-seksjon som kan være av interesse for deg Nye og erfarne forhandlere diskutere alt og alt avgifter, vurderinger, anbefalinger, bonuser knyttet til Forex Brokers Tilbyr du live, ansikt til ansikt treningsklasser er bare en nettbasert pedagogisk ressurs Vi tilbyr ingen ansiktsklasser eller seminarer Vi tenker vår skjønnhet kan være et problem Ta vårt ord for det Det er vanskelig å konsentrere når vi stirrer i ansiktene våre Hvor mye penger er nødvendig t Å åpne en handelskonto Siden du spurte det spørsmålet, gå videre til School of Pipsology. Vi tror du er en perfekt kandidat. Det er helt gratis, det er nettbasert og mye moro. Pluss du er bundet til å lære noe eller to Når det gjelder spørsmålet ditt, hvis du er splitter ny til forex, vil vi foreslå at du starter med null som er riktig, ingenting. Du må i det minste lære det grunnleggende før du til og med tenker på å kaste penger på en handelskonto. Mini-kontoer kan imidlertid bli satt opp for så lite som 500 Igjen, gå over til School of Pipsology Du vil ikke angre på det Hvilken megler anbefaler du Vi prøver å holde oss så objektive som mulig ved ikke å anbefale bestemte meglere. Dette er best for hver handelsmann er forskjellig i deres tilnærming og handelsstiler, slik at en megler kunne jobbe for en, men ikke en annen. Hodet på over til vår meglerguide og vår meglerens gjennomgangsseksjon for mer info. Vil du handle mine penger for meg. Er det selskaper som vil handle for meg. Ja, det er mange selskaper tilgjengelig som w dårlig handel dine penger for derimot, ta stilling til å forsøke å utdanne handelsmenn slik at de kan gjøre handelen selv Med det faktum anbefaler vi ikke noe bestemt firma Du kan alltid gjøre et søk på stedet ved hjelp av søkeboksen øverst på vår nettside for administrert konto for å hjelpe deg med å muligens finne vurderinger om slike tjenester. Hva er den beste måten å holde oversikt over min handelshistorie Gjør deg over til forumet for forum for handelstidsskrift. Ta det første skrittet for å bygge din disiplin Oppteg og del dine fremgangsmessige handelsideer, handelsresultater, psykologistatus før og etter og mer. Les mer om hvorfor du trenger en handelsjournal i vår skole for pipsologi her. Hvordan loven av de vitale få hjelper forexhandlere. Hvordan loven om Den Vital Få Hjelper Forex Traders. Submitted av Adil på Måned, 11 18 2013 - 09 40.Tagged som Forex Trading Forex Trading. Some forskningsarbeid er så strålende at de vil forlate noen av oss kryssøyet ved å tenke over 80 20 regel også kjent som loven av de vitale få, er en slik forskning Jeg har en intriger for å se dette arbeidet som tilhører filosofien, selv om dets røtter ligger i matematikk og vitenskap. Vilfredo Pareto fant denne loven å eksistere i naturen også. Han fant ut at 80 av ærene kom fra 20 pea pods av hans hage. Men ganske enkelt sier loven at de fleste utfallene skyldes en håndfull årsaker til en gitt hendelse. Fra bedrift, programvare til medisin, har denne regelen funnet enorm effekt i hvert tilfelle For eksempel i virksomhet 80 av et selskaps salg som kommer fra 20 av sine produkter, i software engineering fikser 20 av bugs av et operativsystem for å løse 80 av krasjer og feil eller i helsetjenester 80 av skader kommer fra 20 av sårbarheter Vilfredo Pareto allerede observert fenomenet biologisk i hans erter pods. Large, loven av vitale få er gjeldende i forex trading samt Undersøkelser og statistikk utarbeidet av ledende meglere og erfaringer fra ledende handelsmenn utviser eksistens av en slags av 80 20 regelen i forex Disse undersøkelsene, statistikk og erfaringer observerer at det meste av fortjenesten kommer fra minst antall handler, bortsett fra en liten stund mesteparten av tiden markedet ikke er verdt å handle, eller at et stort antall vellykkede handler er enklere mens noen er vanskelige å utføre. Disse funnene viser at de fleste forexresultatene, enten positive eller negative, er et resultat av noen få årsaker. Dette er viktig informasjon for alle handlende der ute. Hvis du ser selv din egen handel resultater, vil du se at det meste av fortjenesten kommer fra noen få vellykkede handler. Leksjonen du kan få ut av denne informasjonen, med takknemlighet for Vilfredo Pareto, er at du bør fokusere på en liten minoritet av handler. De fleste handelsfolk, inkludert meg, er for ivrig etter å gjøre en rekke handler for å tjene mer fortjeneste i stedet fører denne holdningen til tap de fleste ganger. Når det er sagt, hvis du har rammet nok forex trading modenhet, vil du være enig i at markedet ikke alltid er Å gi de riktige oppsettene mesteparten av tiden Vi må vente og fiske de øyeblikkene. Derfor er det bare en håndfull ganger markedet som gir deg omsettelige muligheter. Under forex trading, mange ganger, gjør ingenting det beste å gjøre. Som en handelsmann, spesielt som daghandlere, bør du også innse at enkleste handelsstrategier, teknikker og innsats får deg til å belønne mest kostnadseffektivt. Kjernen i denne diskusjonen om forex trading kan ikke være mye enklere du må fokusere på lite antall handler, vær tålmodig for markedet for å demonstrere oddsen som er mest gunstige for deg og bruke enklere verktøy for handelsanalyse og gjennomføring. Færre og enklere handler desto bedre er belønningene, dermed loven om viktige few. Top Trading Brokers. Terms Vilkår Personvernpolicy. IntelliTraders gjør ikke aksepterer noe ansvar for tap eller skade som følge av avhengighet av informasjonen på dette nettstedet inkluderer dette utdannelsesmateriale, prisopplysninger og diagrammer, og en nalysis Vær oppmerksom på at risikoen knyttet til handel med finansmarkedene aldri investerer mer penger enn du kan risikere å miste. Risikoen ved handel med binære alternativer er høy og kan ikke være egnet for alle investorer. IntelliTraders beholder ikke ansvaret for eventuelle handelsstap du måtte ha ansikt som følge av bruk av dataene som er hostet på dette nettstedet. Noen binære opsjonsfirmaer er ikke regulert i USA med reguleringsorganer. IntelliTraders Network er utdannelsesmateriale og ikke handelsrådgivning. Handel på egen risiko. Sign inn med Facebook. Register for. Free Trade Alerts Utdanning 1-til-1-støtte eToro Copytrader Tips. Ny bruker Vennligst registrer Logg inn. En vakker kvinne kom inn i en bar og satt ved siden av en advokat. Hør kjære, sa hun. For 50 vil jeg gjøre absolutt alt du vil ha. Advokaten trakk femti dollar fra lommeboken og sa, male huset mitt. Etter flere år med rensing og redning, fortalte en mann sin kone de gode nyhetene. Honey, vi har endelig gått t nok penger til å kjøpe det vi begynte å spare på i 1979 Du mener en helt ny Cadillac hun spurte ivrig Nei, sa ektemannen, en Cadillac. A 1979-forretningsmann ringte og hadde spørsmål om dokumentene han trengte for å fly til Kina Etter en lang diskusjon om pass, minnet jeg ham om at han trengte visum. Å nei, jeg, jeg har ikke vært i Kina mange ganger, og aldri måtte ha en av de jeg sjekket, og sikkert nok, hans opphold krevde visum. Da jeg fortalte Han dette sa han: Se, jeg har vært i Kina fire ganger og hver gang de har akseptert American Express. TECH Hei, vennlig Internett, kan jeg hjelpe deg. KUNDEN Åh, hei ung mann, jeg lurte på om du tilbyr online banking. TECH Vi vær en Internett-leverandør, ma Du kan sikkert bruke vår tjeneste for å koble til nettbank. KUNDE Hva trenger jeg å gjøre det. TECH Du trenger bare modemet i datamaskinen din som plugger inn i en telefonkontakt Registrer deg for en konto, og registrer deg for nettbank med banken din. KUNDEN Men hvor d Åpen pengene kommer ut. TEK Jeg er ikke sikker på at jeg forstår. KUNDEN Du vet Er pengene kommet ut fra den sporet på datamaskinen. En mann går inn i en New York City-bank og sier at han ønsker å låne 2000 i tre uker. lånsjef spør ham hva slags sikkerhet han har. Mannen sier jeg har en Rolls Royce - hold den til lånet er betalt - her er nøklene. Lånepersonen har omgående kjørt bilen inn i bankens underjordiske parkering for sikker oppbevaring, og gir mannen 2000. Tre uker senere kommer mannen inn i banken, betaler tilbake 2000 lånet, pluss 10 renter, og gjenvinner eiendommen til Rolls Royce. Lånepersonen spør ham, herre, hvis jeg kan spør hvorfor skulle en mann som kjører en Rolls Royce, måtte låne to tusen dollar. Mannen svarer, jeg måtte gå til Europa i tre uker, og hvor ellers kunne jeg lagre en Rolls Royce for så lenge på ti dollar. En mann kommenterte sin ledsager. Min kone hadde en morsom drøm i går kveld. Hun drømte at hun var gift med en millionær. Du re lu cky, sukket følgesvenn Min kone drømmer om at dagtid. Washington, DCA tour guide viste en turist rundt Washington, DC. Guiden pekte på stedet der George Washington tilsynelatende kastet en dollar over Potomac-elven. Det er umulig, sa turisten Ingen kunne kaste en mynt så langt Du må huske, svarte guiden En dollar gikk mye lenger i disse dager. Tre gutter gikk en gang på stranden når de ser en hule. Den første gutten går inn og ser på en pengeseddel på en stor stein når en spøkelseslyd ringer ut Jeg er spøkelset til tante Abel og disse fem dollar forblir på bordet Den andre gutten går inn og når for pengene når det samme skjer igjen Den tredje gutten går inn, ser de fem dollarene og gråter ut, jeg er spøkelsen til David Crockett og disse fem dollar går i lommen min. Hvis du skylder banken 100, er det ditt problem Hvis du skylder banken 100 millioner, er det bankens problem. Der er to typer økonomer - de w ho kan ikke prognose renter og - de som ikke vet at de ikke kan prognose renten. En ganske sparsom mann spurte banken om et lån på en dollar og ble fortalt at han måtte betale 9 prosent rente på slutten av året For sikkerhet tilbød han 60.000 amerikanske obligasjoner. Banken forutslo en potensiell innskyter, aksepterte obligasjonene og ga mannen en dollar. Ved årets slutt var han tilbake med en dollar og ni cent for å rydde opp sin gjeld og ba om tilbakebetaling av sine obligasjoner Ved å returnere obligasjonene banken spurte, vil jeg ikke være nysgjerrig, men siden du har alle disse obligasjonene, hvorfor måtte du låne en dollar, sa den stramme gamle gutten, jeg trengte ikke å Men vet du om en annen måte jeg kunne få bruk av en safe for ni cent i året. Har du hørt om irskmannen som vendte seg om til en bilstartsalg og solgte motoren. Lotteri En megler som heter Jean Paul , flyttet til Texas og kjøpte et esel fra en gammel bonde som heter Ben for 10 0 Bonden ble enige om å levere eselet neste dag. Neste dag kjørte Ben opp og sa: Ben beklager, men jeg har noen dårlige nyheter. Eselet døde Jean Paul. Gi meg bare pengene tilbake. Ben kan ikke gjøre at jeg gikk og tilbrakte den allerede Jean Paul OK, da Bare last av eselet, Ben Hva skal du gjøre med ham Jean Paul Jeg skal løse ham av, Ben Du kan ikke tømme et dødt esel Jean Paul Sure kan se på meg Jeg har nettopp ikke vunnet at han er død. En måned senere møtte Ben opp med Cajun og spurte: Ben Hva skjedde med det døde eselet Jean Paul, jeg rafflede ham av, jeg solgte 500-hunderd billetter på to dollar og laget en fortjeneste på 898, Ben klarte ikke noen klage Jean Paul Bare fyren som vant Så jeg ga ham hans to dollar tilbake. Da George fant ut at han skulle arve en formue da hans døde far døde, bestemte han at han trengte en kvinne til å nyt det med en kveld gikk han til en singelklubb hvor han sjekket ut den vakreste kvinnen han noen gang hadde sett. Hennes naturlige skjønnhet Det var forbløffende at det tok pusten fra meg. Jeg kan se ut som en vanlig mann, sa han da han gikk opp til henne, men om en uke eller to vil min far dø og jeg skal arve 15 millioner dollar. Imprimert, kvinnen gikk hjem med ham den kvelden. Tre dager senere ble hun styremor. Latt en natt en mugger som hadde på seg en ski maske hoppet inn i en bane av en godt kledd mann og stakk en pistol i ribbeina, gi meg pengene dine, forlangte han Indignant , den velstående mannen svarte, du kan ikke gjøre dette, jeg er en kongresmedlem i USA. I så fall svarte muggeren, gi meg MINE penger. Hvorfor ga søsteren penger til kua sin - Fordi hun ønsket å bli rik melk. Hva kaller du fem sikringsforvaltere på bunnen av havet? En god start. En gang i en landsby oppstod en mann og annonserte til landsbyboerne at han ville kjøpe apekatter for 10 hver landsbyboerne, da de var der mange apekatter rundt, gikk ut til skogen og begynte å fange dem. Mannen kjøpte tusenvis på 10 og a s forsyning begynte å redusere, landsbyboerne stoppet sin innsats Han videre kunngjorde at han nå ville kjøpe på 20 Dette fornyet innsatsene fra landsbyboerne og de begynte å fange aper igjen. Solen forsvant redusert ytterligere og folk begynte å gå tilbake til sine gårder The tilbudet økte til 25 hver og forsyningen av apekatter ble så liten at det var et forsøk på å se en ape, enda mindre fange den. Mannen annonserte nå at han ville kjøpe apekatter på 50 år. Siden han måtte gå til byen På noen forretninger ville hans assistent nå kjøpe på vegne av ham. I fravær av mannen fortalte assistenten landsbyboerne. Se på alle disse aper i det store buret som mannen har samlet. Jeg vil selge dem til deg ved 35 og når mannen kommer tilbake fra byen, du kan selge dem til 50 hver. Landsbyboerne avrundet med alle besparelser og kjøpte alle aper. De så aldri mannen eller assistenten hans, bare aper overalt. Nå har du en bedre forståelse av hvordan s tock markedet arbeider .- Hva gjorde mannen når han fikk en stor gassregning - Han eksploderte. McDonalds bare lagt til et annet element til sin 1 verdi-meny Citigroup lager. Mønne snakker Trouble er, min bare vet ett ord Goodbye. En kvinne hører fra hennes lege at hun bare har et halvt år å leve Legen anbefaler henne å gifte seg med en økonom Kvinnen spør, Vil dette kurere min sykdom Legen svarer, Nei, men de seks månedene vil virke som en levetid. - Hvorfor gjør lommebøker så mye støy - Fordi penger snakker. - Pappa, vil du spare penger - jeg ville sikkert, sønn. Noen forslag - sikkert. Hvorfor ikke kjøpe meg en sykkel, så jeg vant t dra på meg skoene så fort. Advisor den som belaster penger for et stykke lager råd for å dekke hans tap på markedet. Advisory Service - en rådgiver som mistet en betydelig sum penger og startet ny virksomhet. Ettermiddag - en daglig sjanse til å gi tilbake pengene du gjorde den morgenen, se Friday. - Alle som jevner på skjermen din kort tid etter at du har lukket en lønnsom deal. Average Down - hva du må gjøre hvis du åpnet en lang stilling og måtte gå på toalettet. Oppkjøp - hva du må gjøre hvis du åpnet en kort stilling og måtte gå på toalettet. Bader Trade Stupid Trade en ulønnsom avtale som noen andre utfører som ikke passer din handelsstrategi. Både - når du har en åpen, lang posisjon, er stedet du gir opp gjennomsnittet ned og selger når du har en åpen kort posisjon det stedet hvor boken anbefaler deg å åpne en kort posisjon. Ta en pause du tar når du har enten 2 lønnsomme eller 5 ulønnsomme avtaler på rad. Broker - noen som studerte hardt og har en lisens til lovlig å miste pengene dine for et minutt ekstra gebyr. Kanadiske den som er short any stock you have. Chart - what you check after you exit trading, trying to understand what went wrong. Cheap Stock - a stock the price of which will decline as soon as you decide not to open a short position on it. Confusion - 6 open positions. Coyote Syndrome - when you feel an irresistible impulse to bite your own arm off so as not to click the mouse again. Day Trading - trading which you start too late and exit too early. Double Up a phrase you employ to explain your open position after you accidentally bought more instead of selling what you had. Down On The Day - a temporary situation until right after the next deal. Excellent Company - any stock you know nothing about on which you carry out a profitable deal. Excellent Long Term Investment - Position Trading that went the wrong way right after you opened a position. Expensive Stock - a stock the price of which will rise as soon as you decide not to open a long position. Expert a newbie who has not begun to trade yet see Licensed Expert. Fossil - a rather aged dude, making less than 90 deals per day. Freak the one who can carry out three profitable deals in a row. Friday a weekly opportunity to give back everything you gained that week see Afternoon. Fundamental Analysis - the process of checking if you can open a short position on a stock. Gap Up - a stock that has a higher opening price than a closing one was the day before, and will go down if you buy it, but will continue to go up if you sell it. Genius - what you are in the eyes of an Apprentice if Lady Luck favours you 3 times in a row. Halt stock an open position impending really good news or really bad news, but anyway, the scariest thing possible to happen. Highlight - selling into the rally while a dude on TV provides the complex reasons why the stock is special. Home Run - every single deal you thoroughly consider, tell other traders about and then do not make yourself. Huge Player - 1 A guy with over 15 thousand dollars left 2 Any trader that has been in such a situation for more than three months. Idiot - a fool that gives you his stock to cover your profitable short position. INCA - if a long position is open some creep that puts up a 50,000 share offer right when you open a long positon if a short position is open the same guy, opening a long position. IPO - expensive cyanide. IPO Internet - expensive cyanide flamb with sugar. Joker - a professional who takes a break to laugh to himself see Professional, Break. Level 2 - the circle in Hell where Satan explains an extremely complicated way how to lose a great amount of money for a very short period of time. Licensed Expert - a dude with a Series 7 license who has not started trading yet. Loudmouth - 1 Anyone that says anything near you, while you are losing a deal 2 A newbie who cannot pull the trigger at first, but finally does it, screaming Yahoo It s running. Lucky Deal - a profitable deal someone else made that does not fit your strategy much. Lunch Money - what you waste away between 11 a m and 1 p m ET. Manager - a day trader who found out a Never Lose Trading System. Margin - if you are up a safe situation with huge potential return if you are down an evil trick by Unseen Forces that can cause you losing more money than you have. Margin Call - what happens when y our clearing firm makes an accounting mistake. Market Maker - the one who set up a secret video camera behind you and who takes the other side of each of your unprofitable trades. Moron - a blockhead, buying your profitable long position. Moving Average - a curly line that has nothing to do with the price movement if you have an open position. Pain - exiting at loss, reversing your position on a stock and then watching it go the way you knew it would in the first place. Position Trading - day trading that went the wrong way right after you took a position. Pro - a guy at trading centre who says nothing and keeps smiling all the time see Joker. Scalping - losing only an eighth in one go. Secret Deal a deal that you do not tell about to the Apprentice when he asks you how you are doing. Short List a daily list of stocks that will rise and never pull back. Short List Request a request submitted to the clearing firm which contains a list of all stocks that you could open short positions on yesterday and tomorrow, but not today. Short Squeeze - when you have an open short position when a person that you have never met before and that should not have anything against you attempts to hurt you and your family on purpose when you have an open long position a proof that you are a true genius. Special Situation - when you watch your losing stop limit go by and open a position of larger volume instead of exiting trading see Long Term Investment. Spread if a deal is profitable sharing your wealth if a deal is unprofitable a malicious market maker who rips you off. System Trading - a phrase you employ to explain to the Apprentice how your trade did not work out the way you meant. Technical Analysis - traditional a voodoo, the animal blood and chanting excluded Point and Figure a really weird voodoo, the animal blood and chanting excluded. Top - when you have an open long position the point on the chart where the stock price backs off fast before you get out when you have an open short position t he exact spot where you cover. Trainer - the only man in the room who has never tried intraday trading in his life. Trend Line - an imaginary line on the price chart that only changes when the market is closed or when you are not looking. Up On The Day - what you are when the market closes, not taking into account ticket charges. Uptick - when you have an open long position added hope when you have an open short position a market maker, letting everyone else in if no positions are open a good chance to lose some money through opening a short position. Volume Spike - an open position confirmation that you are either the smartest person or the biggest idiot on Earth no positions are open confirmation that you are the smartest person on the planet, but you were not paying attention. A woman was just getting out of the shower when the doorbell rang She threw on her towel and went to the door Dave, a poker buddy of her husband s was there He looked at her in her towel for a minute and whispered I ll give you 500 right now if you take of your towel for just 10 seconds That s 50 a second She thought about it a second, and then took off her towel He smiled, gave her the money and walked away When she walked back into the bedroom, her husband asked Was that Dave Did he bring the 500 he owed me. A woman was cleaning her husbands dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with 2000 in it She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer. The husband said I m sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the last 30 years I put a golf ball in the drawer. The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad Oh by the way what is the 2000 in the drawer. The husband replied Well every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them. My sister fell in love at second sight When she first met him she didn t know how rich he was. dialogu e between two friends - I hear that you drop some money in Wall Street Were you a bull or a bear - Neither, just a plain simple ass. A young banker decided to get his first tailor made suit So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit A week later he went in for his first fitting He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business. As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, Didn t you tell me you were a banker. The young man answered, Yes, I did. To this the tailor said, Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets. Trading online is great I find it really speeds things up. I now get my margin calls 5x faster than before. Italian businessman on his deathbed called his good friend and said, Luigi, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated. And what, his friend asked, do you want me to do with your ashes. The businessman said, Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the IRS and write on the envelope, Now you have everything. A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost He reduced his altitude and saw a man below Excuse me, but can you help me I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don t know where I am, he said. The man below replied You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 ft above the ground You are between 40 and 41 degrees North latitude and between 56 and 57 degrees West longitude. To which the balloonist replied You must be a broker To which the man on the ground said I am, but how did you know. The reply came from above Everything you told me is technically correct but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I m still lost Frankly, you ve not been much help so far. The man below responded You must be a trader To which the balloonist replied Yes, I a m, but how did you know. To which the man on the ground said You don t know where you are or where you are going You have risen to your current position due to a large quantity of hot air You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it s my fault. Q In these busy market times, how can you get the attention of your broker A Say, Hey, waiter he s waitin always to get the price. A long term investment is a short term investment that failed. A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates Ahead of him is a guy who s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans Saint Peter addresses this guy, Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven The guy replies, I m Joe Cohen, stockbroker, of Noo Yawk City Saint Peter consults his list He smiles and says to the stockbroker, Take this silken rob e and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven The stockbroker goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it s the minister s turn He stands erect and booms out, I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary s for the last forty-three years Saint Peter consults his list He says to the minister, Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven Just a minute, says the minister That man was a stockbroker-- he gets a silken robe and golden staff but I, a minister, only get a cotton robe and wooden staff How can this be Up here, we work by results, says Saint Peter While you preached, people slept his clients, they prayed.- I see your previous boss says you were a real live wire salesman I m pleased to know that What were you selling - Live wires, sir. Five dollars for one question said the girl to the fortune-teller That s very expensive, isn t it Next. Are you a trader You know you re a trader if Your colleagues call you PIP Daddy You know you re a trader if Anyone got ideas. A young man from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big everything under one roof department store looking for a job. The Manager says, Do you have any sales experience The kid says Yeah I was a salesman back in Minnesota. Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job You start tomorrow I ll come down after we close and see how you did. His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it After the store was locked up, the boss came down How many customers bought something from you today. The kid says One. The boss says Just One Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day How much was the sale for. The kid says 101, 237 65.The boss says 101,237 65 What the heck did you sell. The kid says, First, I sold him a small fish hook Then I sold hi m a medium fishhook Then I sold him a larger fishhook Then I sold him a new fishing rod Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft Then he said he didn t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition. The boss said, A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK. The kid said No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, Dude, your weekend s shot, you should go fishing. Frog Two women were walking through the woods when a frog FROG called out to them and said FROG Help me, ladies I am a stockbroker who, through an evil witch s curse, has been transformed into a frog If one of you kiss me, I ll be returned to my former state One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag The other woman OTHER WOMAN , aghast, screamed, OTHER WOMAN Didn t you hear him If you kiss him, he ll turn into a stockbroker The second woman SECOND WOMAN replied, SECOND WOMAN Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than a stockbroker. Meaning of potentially and realistically A young boy went up to his father and asked him, Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically The father thought for a moment, then answered, Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars Come back and tell me what you learn from that So the boy went to his mother and asked, Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars The mother replied, Of course, I would We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university The boy then went to his sister and asked, Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars The girl replied, Oh, good heavens I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat Are you nuts The boy then went to his brother and asked, Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars Of course, the brother replied Do you know how much a million bucks would buy The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad His father asked him, Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically The boy replied, Yes, Potentially , you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but realistically , we re living with two hookers and a future congressman. William May I have some money for the man crying outside Mum What crying man William The one that s crying, Ice cream Ice Cream. Helium was up Feathers were down Paper was stationary Knives were up sharply Pencils lost a few points Hiking equipment was trailing Elevators rose, while escalators continued a slow decline Light switches were off Mining equipment hit rock bo ttom Diapers remained unchanged Shipping lines stayed at an even keel Balloon prices were inflated And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market. Dear Dad, chool i really great I am making lot of friend and tudying very hard With all my tuff, I imply can t think of anything I need o if you would like, you can ju t end me a card, a I would love to hear from you Love, Your on. Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh Love, Dad. At the scene of a bank raid the police officer came running up to his inspector and said, He got away, sir The inspector was furious But I told you to put a man on all the exits he roared How could he have got away He left by one of the entrances, sir. When Albert Einstein died, he met three New Zealanders in the queue outside the Pearly Gates To pass the time, he asked what were their IQs The first replied 190 Wonderful, exclaimed Einstein We can discuss the contribution made by Ernest Rutherford to atomic physics and my theory of general relativity The second answered 150 Good, said Einstein I look forward to discussing the role of New Zealand s nuclear-free legislation in the quest for world peace The third New Zealander mumbled 50 Einstein paused, and then asked, So what is your forecast for the budget deficit next year.- My broker has a new service where they will text you your balance.- It s cool, I just don t think they should add LOL at the end. Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America If I m not there, I go to work - Robert Orben. The banker fell overboard from a friend s sailboat. The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, Can you float alone. Obviously, the banker replied, but this is a heck of a time to talk business. Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory We are very sorry, but it s the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others he is told by the doorman Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss So the doorman leads him to the dorm They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants See, Here is your first room mate He has an IQ of 180 Why that s wonderful Says Albert We can discuss mathematics And here is your second room mate His IQ is 150 Why that s wonderful Says Albert We can discuss physics And here is your third room mate His IQ is 100 That Wonderful We can discuss the latest plays at the theater Just then another man moves out to capture Albert s hand and shake it I m your last room mate and I m sorry, but my IQ is only 80 Albert smiles back at him and says, So, where do you think interest rates are headed. Father to daughter upon her announcing her engagement What does he do Does he have any money Daughter You men are all alike That s the first thing he asked me about you. Customer Your watches seem so cheap Only twenty dollars How much does it cost to make them. Shopkeeper They cost me twenty dollars to make them. Customer But if it costs twenty dollars to make these watches, and you sell them for twenty dollars, where does your profit come in. Shopkeeper That comes from repairing them. A priest announced to his congregation I have good news and bad news The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program The bad news is, it s still out there in your pockets. Money can buy a House But not a Home Money can buy a Bed But not Sleep Money can buy a Clock But not Time Money can buy you a Book But not Knowledge Money can buy you Medicine But not Health Money can buy you Sex But not Love. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don t need it - Bob Hope. A young stockbroker decided to take a day off and visit some of his professors in his old school When he made his way into the entrance he noticed a dog was attacking a small child He quickly grabbed the dog and throttled it with his two hands. The next day the local newspaper reported the story with the headline, Valiant student saves boy from ferocious dog. The stockbroker called the editor and strongly suggested that a correction be issued and that the paper will tell the readers he was a successful Wall Street broker and not a student. The next day the newspaper issued a correction and the headline read, Pompous stockbroker kills school mascot. The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less - Brendon Francis. Money can t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy Spike Milligan.- How can you be sure you have counterfeit money - If its a three-dollar bill, you can be sure. Smart Investing If you had bought 1000 00 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth 49 00.With E nron, you would have 16 50 of the original 1,000 00.With WorldCom, you would have less than 5 00 left. If you had bought 1,000 00 worth of Budweiser the beer, not the stock one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the 10 cent deposit, you would have 214 00.Little Johnny was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson If you had ten dollars, said the teacher, and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left. Ten, said Little Johnny firmly. Ten the teacher said How do you make it ten. Well, replied Little Johnny You may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesn t mean you ll get it. A man went to his bank manager and said, I d like to start a small business How do I go about it Simple, said the bank manager Buy a big one and wait. Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn t expect to be paid back. A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they d have to drastically alter their life-style. If you ll just learn to cook, he said, we can fire the chef. Okay, she said And if you learn how to make love, we can fire the gardener. An FBI agent is interviewing a bank teller after the bank had been robbed 3 times by the same bandit Did you notice anything special about the man asks the agent Yes, replies the teller He was better dressed each time. A policeman came upon a super-salesman about to jump from a bridge and yelled, Wait, Fellow Please don t do that. The salesman said, Why not and proceeded to exp ound on his views on the shaky economy, declining family life and politics. Shortly thereafter, they both jumped. Sex is like my trading account I lose interest as soon as I withdraw. I went to the bank and went over my savings I found out I have all the money that I ll ever need if I die tomorrow - Henny Youngman. A retired man visited a doctor to seek medical advice for what he suspects as new and very unusual health problems Doc, I feel shortness of breath, dizziness, cold sweats, can t sleep Do you think I will collapse any time soon Doctor Yep You must be from Wall Street. Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory We are very sorry, but it s the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others he is told by the doorman. Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss So the doorman leads him to the dorm They enter and Albert is introduc ed to all of the present inhabitants See, Here is your first room mate He has an IQ of 180 Why that s wonderful Says Albert We can discuss mathematics. And here is your second room mate His IQ is 150 Why that s wonderful Says Albert We can discuss physics. And here is your third room mate His IQ is 100 That Wonderful We can discuss the latest plays at the theater. Just then another man moves out to capture Albert s hand and shake it I m your last room mate and I m sorry, but my IQ is only 80 Albert smiles back at him and says, So, where do you think interest rates are headed. I saw a bank that said if offered 24 Hour Banking But I didn t go in I didn t have that much time. At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage. Look, she said We only met a half hour ago How can you be so sure We know nothing about each other. You re wrong, the young man declared For the past 5 years I ve been working in the bank where your father has his account. October This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February - Mark Twain. I just went partners with my bank They own half my car. New mattress A man MAN calls his fx dealer DEALER all anxious and out of breath with this urgency in his voice He says, MAN Close all my positions, everything fast, right away The fx dealer tries to talk to the man but the man says, MAN Let me tell you a secret You know I ve been married for 6 years now and I ve been your client for 5 years DEALER Yes, go on, the FX dealer says MAN Well My wife has this thing about the market Her grandparents lost it all in the GBP crash and ever since then her family found investing in the market akin to or iginal sin When we got married I promised her that I would follow in her parents footsteps and never venture in the FX market and always leave all our money under the mattress DEALER Wow, I didn t know that I guess you want the money because you are losing MAN No, I want the money because she ordered a new mattress and it is being delivered in two days. Bankers are people that help you with problems you would not have had without them. If you can count your money, you don t have a billion dollars c J Paul Getty. How much money do you need. What s considered enough money Just a little bit more Will Rogers. If you can count your money, you don t have a billion dollars J Paul Getty. A billion here, a billion there, and pretty soon you re talking about real money Everett Dirksen. The problem with statistics Three statisticians are out pig shooting They see a large boar in the distance, so they jump out of their truck and level their rifles The first one fires A cloud of dirt erupts one metre to t he left of the pig The second one fires A cloud of dirt erupts one metre to the right of the pig The third one shouts we got him so they jump back into the truck and drive off. It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father Let s try to make this look natural she said Junior, put your arm around your dad s shoulder The father answered, If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket.- Who dropped a wad of notes with an elastic band round them - I did - Well, heres the elastic band. An economic forecaster was known to have an horseshoe prominently displayed above the doorframe of his office Asked what it was for, he replied it is a good luck charm that helps my forecasts But do you believe in that superstition he was asked. Of course not he said, but it works whether you believe in it or not. Logic of an economist. A party of economists was climbing in the Alps After several hours they became hopeles sly lost One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up and down, sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass, and finally the sun. Finally he said, OK see that big mountain over there. Yes , answered the others eagerly. Well, according to the map, we re standing on top of it. Dave has been a cheap tight-wad his whole life His family gathers around him as he lies on his death bed Dave peers up at them and asks, Is everybody here Where s Bessie I m here his wife says The kids We re here, Dad they reply Don t worry Dave, everybody s here Bessie reassures him Dave jumps up in bed and yells, Well, if everybody s here then why is the light on in the kitchen. A young girl and her father are looking at a nursery full of newborn babies All of them are crying Girl Are they hungry Dad No They just found out they ll have to pay for the stimulus bill. What s considered enough money Just a little bit more c Will Rogers.- If you found a five dollar bill in every pocket of your coat, what would you have - Someone else s coat. A woman proudly told her friend, I m responsible for making my husband a millionaire Well what was he before he married you the friend asked A billionaire. Schneider applied to a finance agency for a job, but he had no experience He was so intense that the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected it, he d get the job. Two hours later, Schneider came back with the entire amount Amazing the manager said How did you do it. Easy, Schneider replied I told him if he didn t pay up, I d tell all his other creditors he paid us. An Asian man walked into the currency exchange line in a New York bank with 2000 yen, and he walked out with 72 The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed 66 He asked the teller why he got less money than he had gotten the previous week The lady said, Fluctuations The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, he turned around and said, Fluc you Amelicans, too. A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China He s out there now trying to win a trip back. The economy is the only field in which two people can get the Nobel Prize for saying exactly the opposite thing. A preacher went into his chu rch and he was praying to God While he was praying, he asked God, How long is 10 million years to you God replied, 1 second The next day the preacher asked God, God, how much is 10 million dollars to you And God replied, A penny Then finally the next day the preacher asked God, God, can I have one of your pennies And God replied, Just wait a sec. A new manager spends a week at his new Broker office with the manager he is replacing On the last day the departing manager tells him, I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can t solve Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope The message inside says Blame your predecessor He does this and gets off the hook. About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious market p roblems The manager quickly opens the second envelope The message read, Reorganize This he does, and the company quickly rebounds. Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope The message inside says Prepare three envelopes. I was so poor growing up if I wasn t a boy I d have nothing to play with Rodney Dangerfield. A man was sent to Hell for his sins As he was being processed, he passed a room where an economist he knew was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful woman What a crummy deal the man complained I have to burn for all eternity and that economist spends it with that gorgeous woman An escorting demon jabs the man with his pitchfork and shouts, Who are you to question that woman s punishment. One day a young man came up to my window at the bank and whispered, Please deposit this hundred dollars in my savings account I handled the transaction and whispered back, Have a good day He started to leave but changed his mind I m sorry we have to whisper, he said, but if my car knows I ve deposited money, it ll break down again With his finger to his lips he tiptoed out. Don t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed George Burns. Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn t have it and thought of other things if you did James Baldwin. Stockbroker What is a million years like to you God Like one second Stockbroker What is a million dollars like to you God Like one penny Stockbroker Can I have a penny God Just a second. My mother decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, Just think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand Good , my dad quickly replied Wash it again. Jesus saves But wouldn t it have been better if he had invested. A Japanese guy J is at Los Angeles International Airport, waiting for his flight back home to Japan While he s waiting, h e goes to the currency exchange counter to change his remaining dollars. He counts his money at the counter and says to the clerk C J Wait a minute When I came here I got more dollars for my yen What s going on here C Fluctuations. The Japanese man stiffens J Well Fluck you Americans, too. A guy in a Kia pulls up next to a Rolls-Royce at a red light and asks, Hey, is your car Bluetooth enabled The Rolls owner nods So is mine Got Wi-Fi The Rolls owner nods again Me too What about a double bed No Do you asks the Rolls guy Yep The Kia owner peers out You got me out of the shower to tell me that. Buddies John meets his buddy George and asks him John Do me a favour, could you lend me 100 George checks in his wallet and his pockets, then replies George Sorry, pal I got only 50 John Only 50 Never mind Give me the 50 you have, and you owe me another 50.The real measure of your wealth is how much you d be worth if you lost all your money.- Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire - Sure, here you are - Thanks, but half the pages are missing What s the matter - Isn t half a million enough for you. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows You sell one and buy a bull Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AMERICAN CAPITALISM or Enro-capitalism You have two cows You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more Sell one cow to buy influence with a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows No balance sheet provided with the release The public buys your bull. AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows You sell one, accept an LAW tax promised credit payable in 4 year s time, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows You are surprised whe n the cow drops dead. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows You go on strike because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows Both are mad. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don t know where they are You break for lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows You count them and learn you have five cows You count them again and learn you have 42 cows You count them again and learn you have 12 cows You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you You charge others for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows You have 300 people milking them You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers. A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows That one on the left is kinda cute. Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right The third econometrician didn t fire, but shouted in triumph, We got it We got it. A long term investment is a short term investment that failed. If you can count your money, you don t have a billion dollars. Races Soros and a Bernanke went to the races Soros suggested to bet 10,000 on a horse Bernanke was sceptical, saying that he wanted first to understand the rules, to look on horses, etc Soros whispered that he knew a secret algorithm for the success, but he could not convince Bernanke Soros You are too theoretical, he said and bet on a horse Surely, that horse came first bringing him a l ot of money Triumphantly, he exclaimed I told you, I knew the secret Bernanke What is your secret Soros It is rather easy I have two kids, three and five year old I sum up their ages and I bet on number nine Bernanke But, three and five is eight, Soros I told you, you are too theoretical Soros replied, Haven t I just shown experimentally that my calculation is correct. A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS. He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES. The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop It read MAIN ENTRANCE. After a laborious two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the jury finally ended its 14 hours of deliberations and entered the courtroom to deliver its verdict to the judge The judge turns to the jury foreman an d asks, Has the jury reached a verdict in this case. Yes we have, your honor, the foreman responded. Would you please pass it to me. The judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him. After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, Please read your verdict to the court. We find the defendant NOT GUILTY of all four counts of bank robbery, stated the foreman. The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the sound of the not guilty verdict and hug each other as they shout expressions of divine gratitude The defendant s attorney turns to his client and asks. So, what do you think about that. The defendant looks around the courtroom slowly with a bewildered look on his face and then turns to his defense attorney and says. I m real confused here Does this mean that I have to give all the money back. The market is weird Ever y time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they re smart. An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they d do if they had a million pounds John handed in a blank sheet of paper John yelled the teacher, you ve done nothing why Because if i had a million pounds, that s exactly what i would do said John. If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers. If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I m prepared to forget it if they are - Errol Flynn. A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill and said, Hey, where ve you been I haven t seen you around here much. The twenty answered, I ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff How about you. The one dollar bill said, You know, same old stuff church, church, church. Q With the current market turmoil, what s the easiest way to make a small fortu ne A Start off with a large one. I ll send you some money. A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money, because he ran out of it Mom said Sure, sweetie I ll send you some money You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago Do you want me to send that up too Uh, oh yeah, OK, responded the kid So Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book When she gets back, Dad asked Well, how much did you give the boy this time Mom said Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for 20, and the other for 1000 That s 1020 yelled Dad, Are you crazy Don t worry hon, Mom said, as she kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, I taped the 20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the 1000 one somewhere between the pages in Chapter 19.A couple of thieves broke into my holiday apartment and stole 10,000 Euros At least they didn t take anything of any value. From a trader This is worse than a divorce I ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife. The cost of living is so high now My wife is having to have sex with me because she can t afford the batteries. There are two things you are better off not watching in the making sausages and econometric estimates Edward Leamer. An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn t happen today. A market guru walks into a pizzeria to order a pizza When the pizza is done, he goes up to the counter to get it There a clerk asks him Should I cut it into six pieces or eight pieces The guru replies I m feeling rather hungry right now You d better cut it into eight pieces. Q Which one of our natural resources will become exhausted first A The Taxpayer. Trading online is just great I find it really speeds things up I now get my margin calls 5x faster than before. A woman returns to her car after shopping and is furious to find the side of her car is smashed in On the windshield is a note Reliev ed she picks it up and reads what it says As I m writing this a bunch of people are watching me They think I m writing down my name, number and insurance information But I m not. Why has astrology been invented So that economy could be an accurate science. Interviewer What is recession Candidate When Wine and Women get replaced by Water and Wife that critical phase of life is called Recession. Case in the firm The owner OWNER of a large brokerage firm made a surprise visit at the sales department s floor After a quick tour he reckoned that someone was standing near the secretary, doing nothing He turned angry and red, approached the guy GUY and asked him OWNER What s your salary, young man GUY Around 800 a week, replied the guy The owner pulled out 800 from his pocket, gave it to the guy and shouted OWNER Here s your salary Take it, leave now, and never come back After regaining calmness, the owner turned to the floor manager and asked him OWNER How comes you hire such a lousy person for the sales department The floor manager FM answered FM Well, he doesn t work here He is just the pizza delivery boy. BULL MARKET - a random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius BEAR MARKET - a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. A guy wearing a singlet and slippers walked into the bank and practically shouted at the teller, Yo woman Who do I speak to to open a bloody bank account in this bloody bank. The teller politely told him to lower his voice as he was disturbing the other customers and that she would be able to open his bank account for him. The guy was practically foaming at the mouth Don t you tell me what to do And no woman is opening my bloody account You women are just good for cooking, cleaning and making babies I wanna speak to a man. The teller got up in a huff, went to the bank manager s office and explained the situation to him The bank manager told her that while the customer was always right, this customer was definitely wrong He went back with the teller to set the guy straight. About time a man showed up The guy was as loud, if not louder than before I just won 25 million dollars in the lottery and this bloody woman insisted that she s capable of opening my bloody account for me. She did, did she The bank manager was almost as loud as the guy She was just supposed to clean the windows and arrange the files Don t mind her Let s go to my bloody office and see what we can do about your bloody account. A stupid bank robber rushed into a bank, pointed two fingers at the clerk and said, This is a muck up Don t you mean a stick up asked the girl No, said the robber, it s a muckup I ve forgotten my gun. Economist One day an economist died and was accidentally sent to hell As we all know, all dogs and economists go to heaven, but in this instance old saint Peter was off his game and our economist joined all the rapists, murderers and forex traders in the underworld After a few weeks in hell the economist realises that it s not such a bad place after all, it s just chronically mismanaged So he implements a plan Within a few months the economy in hell is booming He has the budget in surplus which enables the devil to spend on infrastructure, and investment funds start to flow in, increasing capital expenditures throughout the entire hellish economy After a year or two God looks down and notices that the standard of living in hell has increased to the point that most of his angels are booking their summer vacations there The beaches are lovely, and face it, heaven is the last place you re gonna find someone who can mix a decent cocktail He phones the devil to ask what s going on Satan explains that they have employed the services of an economist to fix their economy God is not happy You know that all economists go to heaven he yelled, send him back immediately or we re going to sue you The devil just laughed and replied, As if Where are you gonna get your hands on a lawyer. Q What s the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons A The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW s. Ted said to his friend, can you lend me 10 But I only have 8 , his friend replied Thats OK, you can always owe me the other 2.Frequently Asked Questions. Have a question for us Your answer might be found in our FAQs. What is all about We re all about helping forex traders help themselves We have the School of Pipsology a global community of forex traders on our forums handy forex tools like the Economic Calendar and our forexpedia and finally, trading blogs that are constantly updated with market analysis All that for free Can I start a blog on The Blogs section is not open for changes by the public We have our own team of kickass writers dedicated to updating the Blogs section If a spot opens up, we ll definitely let you know You never know, Huck may one day find the man of her dreams and decide to focus on that Or may be Robopip will need to go back to which planet is he from again Do you offer in other languages Nope No Nein Not yet anyways But we are currently working on translating the School of Pipsology in additional languages, including Spanish, Portuguese and maybe Chinese Several languages to follow, so no need to worry Other areas will be translated soon after that This does take a lot of time and work, so please be patient and stay tuned Do you offer mobile email updates for new blog posts No direct mobile updates i e text messages , but you can always subscribe via Twitter, RSS feeds and email subscriptions It s easy to set up for the notifications to be pushed to your mobile I want to learn forex How If you re eager to start learning about forex trading, we suggest that you make your way over to the School of Pipsology our very own guide for teaching beginners how to trade the foreign currency exchange market We start you off in Preschool teaching you the basics of Forex, and from there you ll learn more complex subjects all the way to Graduation This is all self-study, done at your own compliment the learning at the School of Pipsology, we also provide regularly updated blogs a community forum where you can exchange questions and answers with other registered members, our Forexpedia of forex terms and definitions, and several tools like calculators and a calendar How do I register with What do I get Sign-up and that s it What do you get You get the whole awesomeness of the team and community It s totally FREE and there s nothing to buy but tons to gain. School of Pipsology Questions. Where can I get the PDF Is there one For the current and super awesome version of the School of Pipsology, we only have an online presence and nothing in printable or electronic format Before you think of creating one for yourself or even for distribution though, here s why we discourage that The School of Pipsology is something we worked really hard on Countless hours of research and writ ing were spent to make this all come together and the best way for you guys to support it is to go to our website and read it from there After all, it is free. Still want them PDFs You might want to check out our current PDFs available online Do you have a printable version of the School No We want to save the Earth Go green yo I heard you have a PDF for sale Is this true I can t find where to buy it It used to be true We don t offer the PDF for sale anymore, and we haven t sold it for over two years now But you can always come visit the online version of the School It s FREE Can I have a copy of the School of Pipsology PDF Nope Sorry, you can t We don t have one What happened to the quizzes found in the School Are you bringing them back Definitely We removed them when we upgraded the School in 2010 Because the content changed, the quiz questions changed, too We ve been working on updating the questions to reflect all of the new content and making sure we have everything in place Why is the School not remembering my progress Uh oh, this sounds like a browser cookie issue The remember feature of the new School is not actually tied to your user account, but to your computer, or more specifically, your web browser You must have cookies enabled for this feature to your browser may be deleting cookies when closed, as a security precaution Please confirm that cookies are enabled and that they are not being deleted when the browser is closed. If security is a concern and you want to delete cookies, every browser provides a way to save specific cookies while getting rid of the rest The procedure to do this is browser-specific, but a quick Internet search should get you fixed If that doesn t work holler at us via I just finished the School of Pipsology Now what You might want to start with the Cowabunga System It was developed by our very own Pip Surfer as an example of how to create your own system he s even dedicated a weekly blog for it The blog has been available for some time now but if for some very strange reason, you haven t heard of it yet, may want to read the FAQ on have a look at our Forums, which has also covered the Cowabunga System since 2007.We hope this helps in the formulation of your very own system Good luck. Account-Related Questions. 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Log into your account. Head over to the Forums. Select a sub-forum where you want to post your question such as Newbie Island. If asking a new question, click on the POST NEW THREAD button located below the Announcement section Type in your title and question, and then click the SUBMIT NEW THREAD button. If replying to an existing thread, find the thread you want to respon d to or participate in. Within the thread, click on the REPLY button located on the lower right hand side of the first post You can also use the QUICK REPLY section found below the last post to quickly add your comments without the advanced posting settings. How do I view the oldest post first in the forums With magic Just follow these steps. Click on the Forums tab if not already there. Click UserCP at the top of the page Forum UserCP Chat Room What s New. Select General Settings. Move down to the Thread Display Mode section, and select Linear Oldest First from the drop-down. 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Can I advertise with you Yes you can IF you re a direct broker, banner-only advertising kinda guy But we re open to other broker relationships and offers as well Can I link to your website You can definitely link to our website We d be honored Can I translate the School of Pipsology for you We understand that English isn t the primary language of most of th e world, and that a translation of our content to a new language would open up education to more people But we do not allow the copying and or redistributing of our content This would be similar to licensing our content, which we do not to our content, however, is definitely allowed We re hoping to roll out new languages of the School of Pipsology in the coming year Can I advertise my non-forex product with you Advertisements are only open to forex brokers at the moment Can I copy your stuff Unfortunately, we do not allow the copying and or redistributing of our content This would be similar to licensing our content, which we do not offer You can always link though Can I get added to your broker listing Send us an email at regarding this and we ll get back to you Can you review my product service on We don t write product service reviews from a promotions perspective on our you might be interested in our sister-website, There, you can submit your company and product info for review by our community of forex traders That of course would require someone to have actually used your software, so it s not a total solution But it s an avenue to get your product name out there And it s completely free Would you like to exchange links We have to respectfully say, no thank you We don t participate in link exchanges Do you represent a broker No, we do not We are purely an online educational resourcemon Forex Trading Questions. Can I trust the companies that you advertise on your website That is a very important question that we cannot answer with a simple yes or no We have many advertisers companies that we have worked with for several years These advertisers are displayed on our web site using advertisements and company logos, like you will see in the sponsor sections of our School and Blog sponsors that you see on our website have been working with us almost since the beginning of in early 2006 These sponsors have exhibited honesty and integrity in doing business with our com pany That being said, to be as unbiased as possible to our community of members and guests, we do not specifically endorse any broker or advertiser, nor their products or services. That is where the power of the community, and specifically our Broker Guide and Forums, come into the picture The Forums will provide you firsthand knowledge from traders who have direct experience with the various advertisers and their products or services The Broker Guide offers you information submitted to us directly by the brokers regarding their offerings Combine these two areas of knowledge and we re sure you ll be able to make the best decision for YOU If you need more than just someone else s word to feel safe, make your way over to the US Commodity Futures Trading Commission website or the National Futures Association website They are the regulatory bodies of the forex and futures industries in the US They can shed further light on some of the brokers that interest you. But you must also keep a close eye on which advertisements you are looking at We work with Google Advertising to provide advertisements, which they randomly place in designated areas of our site By design of their system, the advertisements do relate to Forex, but we do not have complete control over what advertisements Google places on our site How long does it take to become a successful trader Trading is a performance skill like sports, the arts, medicine, etc The education and knowledge is out there, but do you have the discipline to learn and develop a method that works for you Do you have what it takes to step up to the plate, take risks, and do the work necessary to review and improve your trading Also, can you control your emotions when, not IF, you lose money Once you have a game plan that works for you, will you still be able to stick to it day in and day out There is no answer to your question that has a general application The time it takes is really up to the time and effort you put in to learning and practice, and your situation in life. But if you re still looking for a more definitive answer, here are a couple of quotes to give you a better idea on the time it takes to be a successful trader Mike Bellafiore co-founder of prop trading firm SMB Capital says, It is common for experienced traders to acknowledge that they did not know what they were doing until after three to five years. And from his book Enhancing Trader Performance, Brett Steenbarger acknowledges that it takes about 10 years of deliberate practice to master the art of trading, as well as any other skill How do I calculate pivot points You can calculate pivot points using any time frame All you need is the opening price, close price, high price, and low instance, during the time frame you are watching whether it be 1 day, 1 week, or 1 month , just take the opening price, the high price the low, and the closing price, and stick those numbers into our handy-dandy pivot point calculator found here It will calculate the pi vot points for the next 12 hours that you are watching Ok If you wish to learn more about pivot points and how to calculate them, please visit our pivot point lesson found here How much should I risk per trade If you are a beginner, your account risk should be as small as possible The reason we say this is because you do not have enough statistics on your system or trading method to optimize your account risk per trade You don t know how often you lose, how big your drawdowns are, your longest losing streaks, you have gathered enough information about your trading we suggest a year s worth of trading , then you can begin to adjust your account risk per trade to your risk comfort level. In general, we do not suggest that anyone risks losing more than 1 of your account per trade Again this is all based on your risk comfort level Read up on our risk management school lesson for more information How long should you spend on trading per day We re not sure how other traders trade, so we can t speak in general terms For our style, discretionary trading, we generally put in an hour or two of research and planning before we start trading for the day After we re done for the day, we will put another hour or two recording the days events and price action, then review and figure out ways to improve our decision processes and risk course, if you trade the longer time frames, this process won t be as time intensive Again, this is how we do it and we always suggest finding your own methods and ways to trade Do you offer trading demo accounts We are not brokers and do not offer any kind of brokerage or demo trading accounts If you re interested in opening a demo account, make your way over to our Broker Guide for more information We ll help you choose the broker that s right for you Aside from that, the Forums also has a Forex Brokers section that may be of interest to you New and seasoned traders discuss anything and everything fees, reviews, recommendations, bonuses related to For ex Brokers Do you offer live, face-to-face training classes is purely an online educational resource We don t offer any face-to-face classes or seminars We re thinking our beauty might be an issue Take our word for it It s hard to concentrate when staring into our faces How much money is needed to open a trading account Since you asked that question, head on over to the School of Pipsology We think you re a perfect candidate It s completely free, it s web-based, and a lot of fun Plus you re bound to learn a thing or two As for your question, if you re brand new to forex, we would suggest starting with zero that s right, nothing You need to at least learn the basics before you even think about throwing money at a trading account However, mini accounts can be set up for as little as 500 Again, head over to the School of Pipsology You won t regret it Which broker do you recommend We try to stay as unbiased as possible by not recommending specific brokers This is best for the every trader is different in their approach and trading styles, so one broker could work for one but not another Head on over to our Broker Guide and our broker review section for more info Will you trade my money for me Are there companies that will trade for me Yes, there are many companies available that will trade your money for on the other hand, take the position of trying to educate traders so they can do the trading themselves With that fact, we do not recommend any one specific company You can always do an on-site search using the search box at the top of our web page for managed account to help you out in possibly finding reviews about such services What s the best way to keep track of my trading history Make your way over to Forums Trade Journals sub forum Take the first step to building your discipline Record and share your progress trade ideas, trade results, psychology state before and after and more Read more about why you need a trade journal in our School of Pipsology here. Top 10 M ost Expensive Medical Procedures. We all know healthcare is expensive in the Unites States Most of us have paid a medical bill, wondering why the cost of that seemingly small procedure is so high But what are the most expensive surgeries Here s a list of the top ten most expensive medical procedures according to a 2008 Millman report and along with the reasons why they cost so much. A transplant of the intestine is done to replace dead intestinal tissue with live tissue from a donor, often because of disease or the presence of a tumor Because intestinal disease is sometimes accompanied by liver failure, intestine transplants can be done in conjunction with a liver transplant, adding more than 180,000 to the bill. Heart transplants are among the most complicated of procedures, carrying great risk Waiting lists are long, and preparation for the surgery is lengthy and expensive Add to this the expensive procurement of the organ, and you can see why the cost is so great.3 Bone Marrow Transpla nt Cost 676,800 Allogeneic 300,400 for Autologous. Bone marrow transplants can be done with a donor s marrow allogeneic or your own bone marrow autologous , costing much less Finding a donor for a bone marrow transplant is difficult, and complications after the procedure are very common Add to this the risky nature of the procedure, the lengthy prep time in the hospital as well as an extensive recovery period, and you have a cocktail for a hefty medical bill. When other therapies don t work, lung transplants are a last resort for patients of lung disease like emphysema and cystic fibrosis As with other transplant surgeries, wait lists are long and cost is high because of the lengthy hospital stay. As with a heart transplant, liver transplants are high risk and high cost, with an accompanying waiting list Criteria are high, which means administrative and prep procedure costs add to the bottom line. With heart disease as the leading cause of death in the U S at 26 , open heart surgery is a m ore common procedure than may be expected Part of the high cost of open heart surgery is because it s often an urgent medical procedure that is usually followed by complications Longer care and follow-up needed after surgery add to the price tag. Transplants of the pancreas are usually needed when a patient has type 1 diabetes or renal failure It is often done in tandem with a kidney transplant, almost doubling the cost of the surgeries at 439,000.Kidney transplants, like the other transplants on this list, are expensive due to the risk, recovery and prep expense The one difference is that with kidney transplants, the old kidney isn t removed because it s been shown it reduces risk that way surgeons find a different blood supply to attach the new kidney to. A tracheotomy involves making an incision in the neck to allow the patient to breathe, either permanently or temporarily Since this is often an emergency room procedure, costs are high After care is extensive, adding to the bill. When lesions on a retina this is part of the eye , also called retinoblastoma, are removed, the risks are great as with the above-mentioned procedures This procedure is pricey because of the precision skills required for this procedure, the lengthy recovery and follow-up. Bottom Line If you think these costs are high, consider that patients with a chronic disease affecting more than one organ often need multiple organ transplants, with bills exceeding a million dollars Why the whopping price tags for all these surgeries In cases of transplants, the hospital stay before and after the surgery makes up about 75 percent of the bill Some of the cost comes from liability insurance those high premiums hospitals and doctors have to pay to cover themselves in case of lawsuits A side-effect of the large amount of liability lawsuits is that doctors often order more expensive tests than needed to cover themselves, a practice called defensive medicine. Lack of insurance among more than 47 million American s drives costs up, since the uninsured use emergency rooms, and often when they ve waited so long that pricey emergency surgery is the only option Add this to the high cost of medication and medical equipment, and you can see how these price tags balloon The bottom line health insurance coverage is vital if you need one of these life-threatening and extremely expensive procedures Learn what your options are in Fighting The High Costs Of Healthcare and Buying Private Health Insurance. Still feeling uninformed Check out last week s Water Cooler Finance to see what s been happening in financial news.
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